Parent Child Interaction Therapy

One of my favorite expressions is that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  There are several things that we as parents can do to safeguard our children from addiction.  This is my third in a few posts intended to share some of the ideas that I use in my work with children and adolescents as well as their parents.

A couple of days ago, I engaged in a power struggle with my grumpy 5-year old.  The intensity increased until I had steam coming out of my ears.  Luckily, for both of us, I dropped her off at her babysitter's house a few hours later and went to work.  One of my clients is rethinknig pursuing a teaching degree, because he can't even handle his own children half the time.  I shared with him about my power struggle that morning and reminded him that our own children can be much more difficult.  He may not need to switch majors just yet.

Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is an evidence-based therapy for children ages 2-7.  Four of the principles help to build a strong foundation that set the stage for parents to give direction.  Simply put, we make many deposits in their emotional bank accounts, so when we make demands, their account isn't overdrawn.  When I remember to use the principles with my daughter and all my kids, I notice that life goes much more smoothly:

1.  Praise:  Often when we interact with our kids we could find ten things to correct or criticize and one thing to praise.  Positive reinforcement is much more powerful at changing behavior then criticism.  Ironically, when we criticize children for a negative behavior rather then decreasing the behavior, it tends to increase.  If we consistently praise the one good thing and ignore the other 10, we encourage positive behavior.  On a good day I try to praise each child in 10 different ways.  (On a bad day, I try not to kill them).  Today I was talking to my friend with my 5 year-old nearby and intentionally praised how well my daughter helps clean the house.  That same daughter started to beam and wanted to go wash the dishes when we got home as a direct result of the praise.

2.  Reflect:  Reflect is similar to praise and describe, but it refers to their speech.  We reflect their appropriate speech and validate the things they are saying.

3.  Imitate:  For young children, this is actually copying their movements and sounds or words they make in a playful way.  It can be more subtle like mimicking their posture or stance and voice inflection.  Young children notice when others imitate and are validated by it.

4.  Describe: With young children describing can simply be stating what they are doing.  We all like to be noticed.  When we merely state what they are doing without assigning a positive or negative value to what they are doing, children feel better without pressure to perform a certain way.  For example, "You put the red block on top of the table."  "Now you are crashing it down to the floor."  With older children, it may sound like this:  "You are stressed that you have a lot of homework today."  Describing what they are doing shows that you notice them and care.